Lisbeth Potter Lisbeth Potter

Why Do We Say ‘Died’ Instead of ‘Passed Away’? Helping Children Understand Death with Clear Words

Are softer words actually helping, or are they making something difficult even harder to understand?

When someone dies, many of us reach for softer words. We might say ‘passed away’, ‘gone’ or ‘lost’, especially when we’re talking to children.

It comes from a good place. We want to protect them. We want to make something painful feel a little less heavy.

But children don’t always understand these phrases in the way we expect. Instead of feeling comforted, they can end up feeling confused, or even a bit worried.

So it’s worth asking: are these softer words actually helping, or can they sometimes make things harder?

Why These Words Can Be Confusing for Children

Young children tend to understand language very literally. They make sense of the world by linking words to things they already know and recognise.

For example, if a child says, “I lost my school jumper,” they usually expect it to be found again. Maybe it turns up later on their peg in the cloakroom, or at the bottom of a bag. In their experience, ‘lost’ doesn’t mean gone forever.

It’s the same with other everyday words. If someone is ‘gone’, they often come back. If someone is ‘sleeping’, they wake up. These are patterns children see again and again.

So when we use these same words to talk about death, children naturally apply that same logic. They may expect the person to return, to be found, or to wake up.

This is where confusion can begin. The words suggest one thing, but the reality is very different.

Children aren’t misunderstanding on purpose. They are using what they already know to try to make sense of something new. Clear, simple language helps them do that with less confusion and fewer worries.

What Do We Mean When We Say Someone Has Died?

When we use the word ‘died’, we are giving children something clear and real to understand.

It can be as simple as this: when someone dies, their body has stopped working. They are not breathing, they are not thinking, and they are not feeling anything anymore. They can’t come back.

This might feel very direct to say, but for a child, it removes the uncertainty that softer language can create. It helps them understand what has happened, rather than trying to piece it together for themselves.

You might say:

  • “Grandad died. His body stopped working.”

  • “When someone dies, they can’t come back, but we can still remember them and talk about them.”

Said calmly and gently, this kind of explanation helps children feel more secure. They are not left wondering or waiting for something to change.

It also shows them that it is okay to talk about death openly, and to ask questions when they need to.

If you would like more guidance on how to approach these conversations, our free to download information sheets offer practical, accessible support for families and professionals. In particular, the ‘Explaining a death to young children’ sheet gives clear advice on using honest language, sharing information in a way children can understand, and allowing space for questions over time.

Sometimes, it can also help to use a book alongside these conversations. Stories can give children another way to understand what ‘died’ means, and to see that their feelings are shared by others.

For example:

  • When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown offers clear, simple explanations about what happens when someone dies and answers many of the questions children ask.

  • Let’s Talk About When Someone Dies by Molly Potter gently supports children to understand death while also helping them talk about their thoughts and feelings.

Used alongside honest, simple language, these kinds of resources can help children build a clearer understanding, at their own pace.

Will Everyone Who Gets Ill Die?

After hearing that someone has died, many children begin to worry about what this means for the people around them.

They might wonder:

  • “Will Mum die if she gets ill?”

  • “Will I die if I get poorly?”

These worries are very common, even if children don’t always say them out loud.

It helps to offer clear and gentle reassurance. You might say:

  • “Most people who get poorly get better again.”

  • “Doctors and nurses work very hard to help people get well.”

  • “The person who died was very, very ill, and their body couldn’t get better.”

This helps children understand that death doesn’t happen every time someone is unwell.

Being clear in this way can reduce unnecessary fear, while still being honest. It reassures children that everyday illnesses, like coughs and colds, are a normal part of life and that most people recover from them.

Children may need to hear this more than once. Repeating simple, calm reassurance helps them feel safer and more secure in their world.

It’s Not Just What You Say, It’s How You Say It

The words we choose are important, but the way we say them matters just as much.

Children are very aware of how adults are feeling. They notice tone of voice, facial expressions, and whether something feels calm or uncertain. Even clear explanations can feel overwhelming if they are rushed or tense.

Speaking slowly, calmly, and with warmth helps children feel safe. It shows them that, even though something sad has happened, they’re not alone in understanding it.

It can also help to share information in small pieces. Children often take things in gradually, coming back with questions over time. This is a normal part of how they process something new and difficult. (check out our blog post about Puddle Jumping, which explores this a bit more)

You don’t have to have all the answers. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know,” or “That’s a really good question.” What matters most is being open, honest, and willing to listen.

Some children will want to talk straight away. Others might not say much at all, and then return to it weeks later. Giving them time and space shows that this is something they can come back to whenever they need to.

Ultimately, it is not about getting every word exactly right. It is about helping children feel safe enough to understand, to ask questions, and to feel whatever they are feeling.

Clarity, Honesty and Care

Talking to children about death is never easy. It can feel uncomfortable to use a word like ‘died’, especially when you’re trying to protect them from something painful.

But in reality, using clear and simple language is one of the most important things you can do. It gives children something solid to understand, rather than leaving them to guess or worry.

When you combine that clarity with a calm voice, honest answers, and a bit of reassurance about their own safety, it helps children feel more secure. They begin to make sense of what’s happened in a way that feels manageable.

You don’t need to get the words exactly right. Most of us won’t! What matters most is being open, being truthful, and being there when children need to come back with questions.

In the end, it’s not about saying the perfect thing. It’s about helping children feel safe enough to understand what’s happened, and to know they’re not on their own in it.


You can reach out to the team directly if you need to talk things through. You can email info@guysgift.co.uk or call 0845 467 3035.

Sometimes it helps to speak to someone who understands.


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Molly Moore Molly Moore

How to Support Bereaved Children and Young People Through Important Moments

A milestone is a moment we often look forward to with hope and excitement. For young people, this might be starting secondary school, passing exams, graduating, going to prom, celebrating birthdays, or navigating other important life transitions.

These moments are usually associated with pride and celebration. However, for children and young people who have experienced the death of someone important, milestones can also carry a quiet ache, highlighting the absence of the person they wish could be there to share it with them.

A milestone is a moment we often look forward to with hope and excitement. For young people, this might be starting secondary school, passing exams, graduating, going to prom, celebrating birthdays, or navigating other important life transitions.

These moments are usually associated with pride and celebration. However, for children and young people who have experienced the death of someone important, milestones can also carry a quiet ache, highlighting the absence of the person they wish could be there to share it with them.

Why milestones can feel hard after a bereavement

For many bereaved children, milestones highlight what has changed. They may think about who should be there, who they wish could see them, or what their loved one might have said or done.

This can bring up feelings such as:

  • Sadness or longing

  • Anger or frustration

  • Guilt about feeling happy

  • Anxiety about moving forward

  • A sense of something missing

Some children may worry that enjoying a milestone means they are forgetting the person who died. Others may feel that certain dreams, like sharing achievements with a parent, grandparent, sibling, or special person, have been taken away. These reactions are normal and understandable.

The ‘loss of dreams’

When someone dies, it is not only the person who is lost, but also the future moments imagined with them. Children and young people may grieve the idea of:

  • A parent seeing them start secondary school

  • A loved one attending their prom or graduation

  • Sharing exam results or career dreams

  • Celebrating milestone birthdays together

This is sometimes called a secondary loss, the grief for what will never happen. These feelings can resurface again and again at different stages of life.

How age and development can shape these feelings

Children and young people understand milestones differently depending on their age and stage of development:

  • Younger children may notice the absence in simple ways, such as “Who will come to my party?” or “Who will walk me to school?”

  • Primary-aged children may compare themselves to peers and feel different or left out, especially if other children have two parents or grandparents present.

  • Teenagers may think deeply about the future and feel grief for long-term dreams, weddings, careers, or family life they imagined sharing with the person they lost.

As children grow, they may revisit their grief with new understanding, especially at significant life transitions.

What can help children and young people at milestone moments

Every child’s grief is unique, but there are gentle ways adults can offer support:

  • Acknowledge the mixed feelings

    Let children know it’s okay to feel happy and sad at the same time. Milestones can hold both joy and grief.

  • Talk about the person who died

    Sharing memories or imagining what the person might have said can help children feel connected rather than alone.

  • Create new rituals

    Lighting a candle, writing a letter, wearing something meaningful, or setting aside a quiet moment can help honour the person who is missing.

  • Give permission to enjoy the moment

    Reassure children that celebrating does not mean forgetting. Love does not disappear when someone dies.

  • Be patient with emotional reactions

    Big milestones can bring unexpected emotions, before, during, or after the event. Changes in behaviour or mood are often part of processing grief.

Every child’s journey is different

Some children may want to talk about their loved one during milestones, while others may prefer distraction or privacy. Some may feel intense grief, while others may seem unaffected at the time and reflect later.

There is no right or wrong way to experience milestones after a bereavement. Grief can resurface in waves, especially during transitions and achievements.

A gentle message of reassurance

Milestones can be bittersweet for bereaved children and young people. They remind us of what has been lost, but they also show how much a child continues to grow, learn, and thrive.

It is possible to carry grief and joy together. Remembering someone does not stop life from moving forward, and moving forward does not mean leaving someone behind.

With understanding adults, safe spaces to talk, and compassionate support, children and young people can navigate milestones while keeping their loved one in their heart. They are not alone, and their feelings, whatever they are, matter.

To talk with a member of the team at Guy's Gift and find out more about how we can offer support for grieving children and young people, please call 0845 467 3035 or email info@guysgift.co.uk.

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Molly Moore Molly Moore

Supporting Children and Young People Through Grief

Grief touches every life at some point, yet it can feel especially confusing for children and young people. When someone close to them dies, whether a family member, a friend, or a much-loved pet, children may struggle to understand what has happened or how to express their feelings.

As adults, it's natural to want to make things better or take the pain away. It's important to recognise that we cannot remove the grief, but we can help children feel safer, supported, and less alone as they navigate their own way through it.

 


How Does Grief Show Up for Children?

 Children experience grief differently from adults and their reactions can be surprising or difficult to understand. There is no ‘right’ way for a child to grieve. 

Common emotional and behavioural reactions may include:

  •  Sadness or tearfulness

  • Anger, frustration, irritability

  • Confusion, lots of questions

  • Anxiety, worries about further loss

  • Changes in behaviour, sleep or appetite

  • Becoming quieter or more withdrawn

  • Wanting extra reassurance or comfort

  • Moments of play, laughter, and seeming "okay"

Unlike adults, children may grieve in short bursts and move in and out of grief very quickly - they may laugh one moment and feel very sad the next. This is often how young people cope with emotions that feel too big to hold all at once.

Children are likely to express grief through behaviour rather than in words. Changes in mood, concentration or behaviour are often a child's way of communicating their feelings. As their understanding depends, they may visit their grief again and again. A loss that felt confusing at a younger age may feel or show up very differently years later.


A child's age and stage of development can influence how they understand loss.

  • Younger children may not fully understand that death is permanent. They make ask the same questions repeatedly while they try and make sense of what has happened. 

  • Primary-aged children may understand more, but still struggle to express their feelings. They might worry about upsetting others or feel guilty about their emotions. 

  • Teenagers often understand the reality of loss but may hide their feelings, wanting to appear strong or independent. They may experience intense emotions while finding it hard to ask for support. 

At every age, children need reassurance, patience and honest, age-appropriate explanations. You can read more in our information sheet here.

 

What Can Help Children Cope With Grief?

Every young person's journey through grief is unique, but some gentle approaches can help support emotional wellbeing:

 

Calm, honest communication

Use clear, simple language and be guided by what the child asks. It's OK to not have all the answers, listening and being present matters more.

 

Making space for all feelings

Let children know that all feelings are allowed, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even moments of happiness. Grief does not look the same for everyone.

 

Keeping routines where possible

When life feels uncertain, familiar routines can help children feel safe and grounded.

 

Encouraging expression

Some children find it easier to express their feelings through drawing, writing, play, music, or being outdoors rather than directly talking about their grief.

 

Remembering together

Sharing memories, telling stories, looking at photos, or creating a memory box can help children feel connected to the person or pet they’ve lost.

 

Reaching out for support

Guy’s Gift is here to help. Our passionate team provide reassurance and support to bereaving children and young people aged 5-25 across Coventry and Warwickshire. Find out more about our services here.

 

Every Child's Grief Journey is Unique

There is no timeline for grief, and no correct way to "move on". Some children may talk about their loss, others may keep their feelings inside. Some may need support straight away, others may need it later on in life. What matters most is that children feel accepted, understood and supported at their own pace.

 

Grief can feel heavy and lonely, but children do not have to carry it on their own. With time, patience and caring adults around them, children and young people can learn to live alongside their grief while continuing to grow.

Healing does not mean forgetting. It means finding ways to hold love, memories and hope together.

If you are supporting a grieving child, know that your kindness, presence and willingness to listen will make a difference, even when the words are hard to find.

To talk with a member of the team at Guy's Gift and find out more about how we can offer support for grieving children and young people, please call 0845 467 3035 or email info@guysgift.co.uk.


This post has been written by one of our fabulous volunteers, Molly Moore. Outside of her volunteering with Guy’s Gift, Molly works in the third sector as a Children’s Independent Domestic Violence Advocate.

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Ellie Jones Ellie Jones

Guy’s Gift Lantern Walk 2025

On Sunday 14th December we had our annual walk, this year hosted at Ryton Pools park. It was great to see so many families come together to think about their loved ones and a big thank you to all our volunteers who helped on the day.

We started off at 3pm with some fun games and ice breakers, with plenty of lovely snacks and hot drinks to warm everyone up. We had a creative activity decorating ceramic baubles. This gave our families a keepsake and allowed them to create a personal decoration in memory of their special person. We enjoyed getting to talk to everyone and learning about what made their bauble special to them.

After decorating their baubles, we selected our lanterns. We were lucky to be joined by the Salvation Army band, who played some beautiful music for everyone. We then started our walk around Ryton Pools. Arriving at our chosen space, we invited the families to hang up their baubles on a tree and think about their special person. Rebecca and Libby shared a poem and led a reflection for the group.

We hope you all found the day as special as we did. Another big thank you to all the families who attended and shared the day with us. Our volunteers were also a big help, both from Guy’s Gift and those from outside the organisation who gave up their time to help. The Salvation Army band also provided some lovely music to create a festive atmosphere.

We’re looking forward to our 2026 Lantern Walk already!

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Iwona Przylecka Iwona Przylecka

Baby Loss Awareness Week 2025

As Baby Loss Awareness week begins, we are joining families everywhere in remembering the babies who have died and will always be a big part of their families.

We are thinking especially of the children who have lost a brother or sister, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or any other kind of baby loss. Their grief and love matter too.

Here are a few ways to remember a baby/ babies and support a child who is grieving their sibling:


Remembering babies

  • Use baby’s name when you can, it will help to keep their memory part of the family story

  • Light a candle, plant a flower or make a memory box together.

  • Let the child take part – drawing a picture, writing a note or choosing something special to remember their sibling can help them feel included and connected

 

Supporting siblings:

  • Be open and honest. Children need clear words and explanations at their developmental age level, this can help them understand what has happened.

  • Listen and validate. Encourage them to share feelings, or stay quiet if they need to. Every child grieves differently.

  • Acknowledge their feelings.  The difficult feelings are part of the natural responses to loss, like anger, confusion or guilt.

  • Keep checking in. Grief does not end after few weeks or months. Small moments of connection over time make a difference.

  • Remember together. Talk about the baby that died, on the anniversaries, birthdays, special events or whenever they come to mind. Their place in the family remains.

This week shines a light on something many families carry in their hearts everyday;  the babies who have died and the children learning to live with their grief.

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Ellie Jones Ellie Jones

Ellie’s Volunteering Story

Have a read of Ellie’s Volunteering Story to find out about her journey at Guy’s Gift and how she has become the wonderful volunteer that she is today.

I’m Ellie and I have been a volunteer for Guy’s Gift since 2018.

After finishing university, I returned to volunteering for Guy’s Gift, helping at the in-person groups. My family was one of the first that used Guy’s Gift and I have loved seeing the charity grow and help hundreds of families after us.

My Dad passed away in 2010, which was an incredibly difficult time for us.

Guy’s Gift provided support and counselling for me, giving me a safe space to express and process my emotions after losing my dad.

Fifteen years later, that grief has stayed with me but has been easier to carry with time and support that Guy’s Gift provided. Having experienced Guy’s Gift support, I later began volunteering as a teeanger after school to aid with the support groups. I have seen Guy’s Gift grow over the years as the team and charity has expanded, being able to offer more help to those in need.

What I most enjoy about volunteering is seeing how different young people can do the same activities and answer the same prompts with a rich variety of responses. Every salt jar, memory box and group discussion brings something new that reflects their relationship to the person they have lost.

My favourite activity is the stones, taking an ordinary, jagged and special stone and connecting them to our memories. It provides a moment of self-reflection, allows for sharing and can be a great source of comfort. Even I find new memories to hold onto every time I reflect in this way.

I hope anyone who is considering whether to volunteer will find this helpful. Guy’s Gift is an incredibly important service, ran by a lovely team and the help I received at eight has helped me at twenty-three.

Ellie with her Dad, Neil.

From the team here at Guy’s Gift, we want to say a huge thank you to Ellie for her compassion, empathy and friendship she provides to the children and young people she works with. Ellie provides a supportive, listening ear for those who need it most, and she is wonderful at coming up with new ideas for both the younger children and the teenagers. Ellie has turned her personal experience of grief into a way of helping others, and this hugely reflects her kind nature and dedication to helping others. Thank you for being you!

Feeling inspired by Ellie’s story? Head over to our website to read about our volunteering opportunities, and complete an application form via the link below:

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Farida Haque Farida Haque

Navigating Grief During Ramadan and Eid: Finding Comfort in Faith

If you are mourning during Ramadan, know that grief is a deeply personal journey, and it’s okay to experience a mix of emotions. Islam acknowledges the pain of loss, and the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) himself grieved openly for his loved ones. Have a read of some ways to find comfort and strength during this time.

Ramadan is a time of reflection, devotion, and togetherness. It is a month where Muslims fast from food and drink, pray, and seek spiritual closeness to Allah. But for those grieving the loss of a loved one, this sacred time can also be a poignant reminder of their absence. The suhoor and iftar meals feel emptier, the tarawih prayers (night prayers) may bring tears, and the joy of Eid can instead feel bittersweet.

If you are mourning during Ramadan, know that grief is a deeply personal journey, and it’s okay to experience a mix of emotions. Islam acknowledges the pain of loss, and the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) himself grieved openly for his loved ones. Here are some ways to find comfort and strength during this time:

1. Seek Solace in Prayer

In Islam, no prayer is turned away or forgotten. Turning to Allah in times of sorrow is one of the most powerful ways to find peace. Make heartfelt prayer for your loved one, asking Allah to grant them mercy and Jannah (Heaven). Reciting Qur’an can bring peace to the heart, reminding us our loved ones are in Allah’s care.

“I respond to one’s prayer when they call upon Me." (Qur’an 2:186)

2. Honor Their Memory Through Acts of Charity

One of the most beautiful ways to remember a loved one is through sadaqah jariyah— which means ongoing charity in their name. Whether it’s donating to a cause they cared about, providing meals to those in need, or sponsoring a well, these acts can be a source of continuous reward for them.

"The example of those who spend their wealth in the cause of Allah is that of a grain that sprouts into seven ears, each bearing one hundred grains. And Allah multiplies ˹the reward even more˺ to whoever He wills. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing. (Qur’an 2:261)

3. Lean on Your Community

Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Ramadan is a time of community, and leaning on family, friends, and your local masjid for support can help ease the pain. Sharing memories, praying together, or simply being in the presence of others can bring comfort. Allow others to support you as Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon Him) teaches us

"The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever".

4. Allow Yourself to Feel

Eid can be a difficult time when someone you love is no longer there to celebrate with you. Give yourself permission to feel joy, sadness, and everything in between. Islam does not ask us to suppress our emotions but encourages us to turn our grief into a means of spiritual growth

"I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah {…} (Qur’an 12:86)

5. Remember the Promise of Reunion

One of the greatest comforts in Islam is the promise of the Akhirah—the Hereafter. Our loved ones are not lost forever; they are simply waiting for us in a place where there is no pain, no separation, only eternal joy. Holding onto this hope can make the days a little lighter.

Ramadan and Eid without a loved one may feel different, but through faith, remembrance, and community, their presence can still be felt in the love and kindness you share with others. May Allah grant peace to all those who are grieving and reunite us with our loved ones in Jannah (Heaven).

Guys Gift wish you Ramadan Mubarak! We hope these tips help bereaved Muslim families navigate Ramadan with greater ease and comfort. To access support, please complete a contact from through our website or phone us on 0845 467 3035.

 By Farida Haque (Bereavement Support Worker, Guy’s Gift)

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Lisbeth Bakewell & Sophie Peel Lisbeth Bakewell & Sophie Peel

Hospital Bereavement Support Packs - Project Update

When a loved one sadly becomes end of life in hospital, their friends and family can find themselves spending a lot of time in hospital too. From our experience over the past 15 years of working with bereaved families, we know the importance of providing opportunities for children and young people to talk about their feelings and emotions during this difficult time.  

Whether a death is expected in hospital, or comes suddenly, having the right support in place helps children and young people to navigate what is happening, and the emotions this brings up.

Our story:

When a loved one sadly becomes end of life in hospital, their friends and family can find themselves spending a lot of time in hospital too. From our experience over the past 15 years of working with bereaved families, we know the importance of providing opportunities for children and young people to talk about their feelings and emotions during this difficult time.  

Whether a death is expected in hospital, or comes suddenly, having the right support in place helps children and young people to navigate what is happening, and the emotions this brings up.

Our idea for this project started forming in 2021, then conversations with some of the nurses on the McGregor Ward at Warwick Hospital brought our concept to life. It became clear that there was real need for resources available to healthcare professionals supporting a family through bereavement, and we knew we had the expertise to put something meaningful together.

Back in 2020, we launched our Educational Bereavement Resource Packs for schools. A project to ensure teaching and pastoral staff have access to a variety of books, activities and guidance. To date, we have delivered almost 250 packs to primary and secondary schools across Coventry and Warwickshire, transforming the advice and support we could offer in the educational sector. This got us thinking, could we create something bespoke for the healthcare sector too?


Our project:

With thanks to fundraising from the Royal Leamington Spa Rotary Club, we were able to bring our ideas into action. After a lot thought and consideration from the Guy’s Gift team, we developed our Bereavement Support Pack.

We decided that the packs were for the family to be given whilst on the hospital ward, and to have the opportunity to take them home with them. They are designed to ensure that no child or young person has to face grief alone, by encouraging conversations with family, friends and healthcare professionals around them.

We have created a careful balance between promoting education around death and dying, along with an age-appropriate awareness and understanding of the feelings that come with this. We are also mindful of how precious certain moments can be, so the packs ensure that the child or young person has opportunities to capture the memories of their loved ones.

Our first set of packs were delivered to the McGregor Ward at Warwick Hospital in March 2024 by our team of volunteers at Electronic Arts (EA), based in Southam. Over the last year, it has been heartwarming to hear of how they have transformed the bereavement offer of the hospital. The success has a real community-feel to it, with thanks to our local volunteers and fundraisers, along with inaspiring conversations with local nurses to ensure the packs were exactly what they children and young people needed.

Due to the initial success, we understood the importance of securing continued funding to reach other hospitals across Coventry and Warwickshire. We are delighted to share that Intercity Technology, who supported the new Sensory Garden at Warwick Hospital, were on-board when they heard about our project. They have decided to fund our desire to expand our Hospital Resource Pack project, both within Warwick Hospital and to other hospitals across Warwickshire.

Following a SWFT bereavement networking event, Guy’s Gift were able to develop connections with healthcare professionals based in University Hospital Coventry and Warwickshire (UHCW). After further conversations, it was decided that the next set of packs would be delivered to the children’s ward and the palliative care ward at UHCW. We are very much looking forward to seeing how this can continue to transform the bereavement support offer for children and young people visiting these wards.


Our future vision:

We are looking for donations to continue funding this incredibly important project. We know first-hand the difference this can make to bereaved children, young people and their families when they need our support most.

Our vision for our school based Bereavement Resource Pack is to ensure every single school across Coventry and Warwickshire receives a pack. So, why not shoot for the stars with this one too?

Could you be part of our story in ensuring all hospitals across Coventry and Warwickshire have access to a Bereavement Support Pack? Please get in touch below if you would like to discuss this further. 

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Grief Lisbeth Potter Grief Lisbeth Potter

How to support children when a prominent public figure dies suddenly

When a public figure dies suddenly, it can be hard to understand. There may be lots of different information in the media, some of which can be confusing or sometimes even inaccurate.  Or information may be updated and change quite quickly.   It can feel like you can’t get away from the news, with everyone talking about it. 

When a public figure dies suddenly, it can be hard to understand. There may be lots of different information in the media, some of which can be confusing or sometimes even inaccurate.  Or information may be updated and change quite quickly.   It can feel like you can’t get away from the news, with everyone talking about it. 

This might bring up memories for children and young people about what it was like for them when someone important to them died. Some of the things being talked about in the media may be similar to their own experiences.  It’s important to try and talk with your children about what has happened, being as factual as you’re able to be.

We know that news like the death of a young pop star, for example, can trigger memories and emotions that can be hard to face. Here are some tips that can help you to support your child.

Following the death of anyone, children can become worried that the same is going to happen to other important people in their lives. It can be helpful to reassure children, where possible that this isn’t about to happen. It is important, however, not to make impossible promises.

We have guidance sheets on our website here, which share things to be considerate of in this situation. Use clear and concise language. Avoid using words or phrases like ‘loss’ or ‘gone away’. Although it can feel a bit clinical, using factual words like ‘death’ and ‘died’ can be a lot clearer and easier to understand for children.

Children may have lots of questions about what has happened.  Whilst a lot of questions might happen immediately, sometimes it can be a while after the event that more questions are asked. This is the same when anyone important to your child dies.  Everyone has their own ways of dealing with death, and we all work on different time frames when we process news which is hard to understand.  Children particularly can react to grief quite differently to adults, and might show outward signs of grief one minute and the next they are playing happily with a sibling again.

Children look to their parents, carers, teachers to help them understand what has happened. They need support to understand why they are feeling how they do. It’s important to share with children and young people that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, upset about the death of someone significant, and that it can be helpful to talk with an adult about how they’re feeling. It is equally helpful for children and young people to be told that everyone grieves in their own way, and that there’s no right or wrong about how they feel.

 

If you would like to talk with one of the team here at Guy’s Gift to find out how we can offer support for grieving children and young people, please get in touch by calling 0845 467 3035 or email info@guysgift.co.uk

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Guest User Guest User

Golden Moments for Team GB!

How inspiring are the team GB athletes taking home gold at the Paris 2024 Olympic games?

Guy’s Gift wanted to give a special mention to Lola Anderson and Sophie Capewell, who have both talked bravely about their experiences of grief on their journey to golden victory…

How inspiring are the team GB athletes taking home gold at the Paris 2024 Olympic games?

Guy’s Gift wanted to give a special mention to Lola Anderson and Sophie Capewell, who have both talked bravely about their experiences of grief on their journey to golden victory…

Lola Anderson (Team GB Olympic Rower)

Pictured on the right with her team: Sophie Capewell (Team GB Olympic cyclist)

Let this be a reminder of how your loved ones will always be a significant part of your special “golden” moments throughout life.

We hope you continue to enjoy the Olympics and feel inspired by the stories behind the medals.

Go team GB!

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