International Women's Day 2024 - #InspireInclusion

How do we #InspireInclusion here at Guy’s Gift?

Inclusion is at the heart of what we’re about at Guy’s Gift. We’re invested in supporting women and girls to achieve the best outcomes, and providing a safe space for them to explore their emotions. This empowers girls to make choices that encourage success.

Within our staff team, we celebrate the diversity of our employees and volunteers. We recognise that diversity brings strength. We learn from one another and promote sharing of ideas to grow and to know that we provide a top class support for those children and families who come to Guy’s Gift after a loved one has died.

I spoke with some of the team here about what resources they use with children and young people to celebrate inclusion. Many of the favourite books the team use, empower girls and help them to recognise what they can achieve. We’ve shared a few of these favourites below.

Others in the team spoke about recognising leaders in the field of childhood bereavement. Those who passionately campaign for support for children and young people, and those who share their personal stories of grief so that their story may help others who are experiencing similar things. We know that sharing their story with others can help children and young people to navigate their grief, and to recognise that they are not the only ones experiencing this. Historically, death and dying hasn’t been talked about enough. It has been a taboo, which has led to deeper isolation in difficult times.  Sharing your story can be tough! So we thank those who are able to speak out and share their story in a way that is supportive of others and enabling children and young people to see positive role models.

We’re proud of the women in our team here at Guy’s Gift, and those in leadership roles who guide the charity to achieve top class support for bereaved children and young people. 75% of our board of trustees are women; women who give their time, expertise and experience to Guy’s Gift.

Children's Grief Awareness Week 2023

It’s Children’s Grief Awareness Week this week (16th - 22nd November), and we’ve held ‘Sharing Shape’ activities in the run up to the week again.

The Sharing Shapes activity is hosted by the Childhood Bereavement Network, and it’s a national activity which brings together bereaved children and young people across the UK to create a shared piece of artwork. This year, the theme is ‘The Shape of Your Support’ and we asked children and young people to share with us who or what supports them with their grief. This has opened up conversations about what support can look like and how different people can offer different ways to support at different times.

Below, you’ll see the shapes which have been shared with us so far (and shared for the national mural too). If you’d like to complete this activity with your child, or a child in your care then we’d love to see what they come up with too!

Volunteers Week 2023

It’s Volunteers Week 2023 and we’re taking the opportunity to say thank you and well done to our fantastic team of volunteers.  

Over the last year, our volunteers have collectively given over 500 hours towards supporting bereaved children and their families locally. This is HUGE! We’re so proud of them all!   

We’re a small charity making a big impact. We’ve supported over 3000 young people since we started 15 years ago. In the early days most of the team at Guys Gift were volunteers. As we’ve grown, we’ve gone on to employ a small staff team, but volunteers have always been essential to our success. We simply couldn’t achieve all that we do without them.  

We currently have volunteers who work directly with families, volunteers who fundraise for us, volunteers who build and deliver school resource packs and volunteers who act as trustees of the charity. All our volunteers make a difference, all of them are amazing - and they make us who we are. 

At Guy’s Gift we don’t need large numbers of volunteers, but we’re always looking for very special people who can help us make a difference to the lives of children and young people who have experienced the death of someone special to them. 

We’re currently looking for volunteers to help us with: 

• Our Bereavement Support Day in Kenilworth on 1st August 2023,

• Group sessions in Kenilworth and Nuneaton during the autumn term (there will be other locations and dates throughout the year too), 

• Fundraising at a time to suit you,

• Building and delivering Bereavement Resource Packs to local schools,

• Support with social media and website content,

• ...and we’re open to ideas for new volunteering opportunities.  

If you’re feeling inspired to join our volunteer team, please get in touch at volunteering@guysgift.co.uk

Top Tips for Successful Fundraising

We know how exciting it can be to get your fundraising ideas into action. So, how can you make the most of your online fundraising page and get your friends and family engaged to support you, and Guy’s Gift?

Guy’s Gift fundraiser, Brian Taylor, shares his top tips for helping make your fundraising a HUGE success when using Just Giving.

1. Write a story.
   Tell your supporters about why you’re fundraising, and why you’re fundraising for Guy’s Gift.
   Why is it important to you?

2. Include some eye-catching photos.
   A picture tells a thousand words, after all!

3. Set a target.
   If you set a target, your supporters will want to help you achieve it. You could link this target to what it will mean for Guy’s Gift too.

4. Share the news of your fundraising event as widely as you can.
   Use social media, emails, conversations with others. The more you share, the more people will know what you’re doing and be able to show their support!
   Don’t forget to tag Guy’s Gift on your social posts too.

5. Update those who have donated, or are thinking about donating with your progress.
   Bring your supporters on the journey with you.

6. Say thanks!
   Once you have completed your fundraising event, share how you got on.  Everyone loves a success story.

We’re on hand to help you set up fundraising pages, and we like sharing your fundraising endeavours with others too. Tell us what you’re doing, and how we can support you as you go.

Don’t forget, this year Guy’s Gift will celebrate 15 years of providing bereavement support and counselling for children and young people across Coventry and Warwickshire. We can’t wait to see what ‘15’ theme fundraising you come up with this year.

For more tips and ideas to start you on your fundraising adventure, you can email Brian on fundraising@guysgift.co.uk

Guy's Gift: 15th Anniversary

At the end of 2023, Guy’s Gift will have been providing bereavement support and counselling across Coventry and Warwickshire for 15 years.  During this time, we have supported over 3000 children and young people who have experienced the death of someone important to them.

As we head towards this milestone, we would like to invite you to come up with fundraising ideas around the theme ‘15’. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Set up a regular donation of £15 to Guy’s Gift. By heading over to our Just Giving Campaign

2. Complete a 15km run or walk

3. Give something you love up for 15 days (chocolate, favourite takeaway,…) and aim to raise £150 in the process.

4. Get a group of 15 friends together to compete in an event. This could be a garden sports day in the summer.

5. Hold a sponsored static bike event with a groups of friends, and take it in shifts to keep cycling for 15 hours.

We can’t wait to see what wonderful ideas you come up with, and don’t forget to let us know what you’re up to so we can ‘shout out’ about it too.

All fundraising pages can be set up and linked to our special 15th Anniversary campaign page here: https://www.justgiving.com/campaign/15thAnniversary

For more information, help setting up a Just Giving page, or to let us know what fundraising you’re up to, get in touch with us at fundraising@guysgift.co.uk

Christmas after someone important has died

For many people, Christmas is a wonderful time of year and something they look forward to.  However, if you have experienced the death of a loved one you may be feeling apprehension and uncertainty about the upcoming holidays. There’s no right or wrong way to be feeling at this time of year, whether it’s jumping straight into the festive period or giving yourself permission to not feel okay and to step back from traditions you might have previously loved being part of.

Some families tell us that Christmas feels like a happy distraction from the pain of grief, whereas others choose not to celebrate Christmas at all, to treat the day ‘like any other day’. Those who decide to do this tell us this is the only way they can comfortably face the day, without feeling the weight of their loss all over again. Parents or caregivers may struggle when faced with the fear of disappointing their children and are not sure how to carefully navigate it. Whatever your thoughts are about the upcoming holidays, its ok to feel whatever you feel and the plans you make (or not) are totally up to you. 

For those grieving, Christmas can feel overwhelming, lonely, and just too much. So many families have said “why isn’t there a pause button for Christmas, I can’t escape it, it’s everywhere”.  The thing is, pain and loss cannot be avoided. Christmas seems to be the bright ‘sparkling bauble’ wherever you turn. If you decide to go for a wintery walk during the festive period, you will mostly likely be greeted by fairy lights, blow up Santa’s and reindeers.  It seems the more time you spend avoiding something, the more it will appear in front of you when you least expect it.

A few years back, a young lady explained that she had planned to avoid Christmas as much as possible after her mother died. She spent Christmas alone, in her room, watching ‘non-Christmassy things’ on TV. When she needed to go to the shop to buy snacks a lone bauble fell off the shelf.  It rolled into the aisle whilst no one was around. Her subsequent breakdown in the shopping centre proved to her that the pain she was attempting to avoid was already there. By trying to hide from it, she wasn’t prepared for the emotional fallout when grief found her of its own accord.

Christmas will never be the same. The Christmas’ of the past are now memories, some of these marked with sadness. Parents and caregivers of children and young people may be asking themselves ‘what do I do?’, ‘how do I make Christmas work for my children and I?’ The answer is already there in your mind. It won’t be the same. The challenges cannot be avoided. So instead, I ask you, what does Christmas look like now? Are you able to use the same decorations as the years before, is it time to get a whole new set? Do you even need or want decorations at all? What do your children think? What are you all brave enough to face? How are you all going to get the courage to face each other on Christmas morning and say, ‘Hey, I know it’s different, I miss them too, I love you, Happy Christmas’.

Whatever you decide to do this year, and for subsequent years, Christmas can be defined as something new.  It could be as simple as seeing it as an opportunity to feel love and gratitude for those important people who have died, and to show those who are still with us how much we care.

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 Top Tips for Christmas Time 

• Accept your grief. Sometimes the anticipation and run up to something can be more difficult than the day itself. Allow yourself to grieve.

• Carrying on with family traditions can provide comfort and stability for some. You may decide to keep some, lose others, or create new ones.

• Set boundaries for yourself. What do you feel able to participate in, and what do you want to remove yourself from?

• Tell friends and family how you want to celebrate this year. Maybe you fid it easier in a big group of friends so that you’re not the centre of attention, or maybe you prefer to enjoy time with just a few special people.

• Build new memories.  Maybe you could create your own Christmas bauble in memoriam to the person who has died. Once you are done you can find a special place to display it or hang it on the Christmas tree.  You might find this a comfort to bring out year after year.

• Set aside a specific time during the day to remember the person who has died. You can ask someone to say some nice words over Christmas dinner, maybe write down a short message or even just take a few moments of reflection together as a family.

Whatever you do, and however you chose to spend Christmas, it’s okay. The most important thing is that you do what you feel comfortable with, and don’t put pressure on yourself to celebrate if you don’t feel up to it.

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Guy’s Gift provides bereavement support and counselling for children and young people across Coventry and Warwickshire.
We provide this support free of charge.

If you would like to donate to Guy’s Gift to help support bereaved families, you can do so on our Just Giving page.
All donations go directly towards the support of bereaved children and young people.

Children's Grief Awareness Week 2022

Children’s Grief Awareness Week 2022 is running from 17th-23rd November. The theme this year is ‘What helps?’ and along with many other children’s bereavement support organisations and charities across the UK we have been asking children and young people to take part in a ‘Sharing Shapes’ activity.

This activity has given everyone the opportunity to tell us what helps them when they’re grieving, or dealing with lots of tricky emotions after someone important to them has died. Many children and young people have told us that it’s really good to think that someone else will see their sharing shape and it might help them too. So this activity in itself has also helped!

Sophie, one of our Community Based Counsellors, told us that looking through photos and sharing memories with her family helps her.

Over the course of the week we will be sharing what the children and young people accessing support with Guy’s Gift have told us works for them. Maybe there will be some strategies and ideas which will work for you and your family, or maybe you’d like to share your own ‘Sharing Shape’ with us? You can find the resource here if you’d like to take part. Simply complete your sharing shape and then send it over to us at info@guysgift.co.uk to be included in the gallery.

To view a mural of sharing shapes created by others across the whole of the UK, take a look at the Childhood Bereavement Network wesbite: https://childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/about-cbn/childrens-grief-awareness-week/sharing-shapes-mural - can you spot yours?

Speaking with children following the death of a prominent public figure

Along with the rest of the country, we’re saddened upon hearing the news of the death of HRH Queen Elizabeth II.

The death of someone in the public eye can impact us all. This might be the first time a child is experiencing a death, or it might bring up feelings and emotions of previous bereavement. This will be different for everyone, but can feel quite confusing.

When someone in the public eye, especially as prominent as the Queen dies, the news coverage is significant. Everyone is talking about it.  So, it can be helpful for you to talk with your children about this too, to help them to understand. Following the death of the Queen, the country goes into 10 days of national mourning, leading up to the funeral. The funeral is likely to be heavily televised.

Following the death of anyone, children can become worried that the same is going to happen to other important people in their lives. It can be helpful to reassure children, where possible that this isn’t about to happen. It is important, however, not to make impossible promises.

We have guidance sheets on our website here, which share things to be considerate of in this situation. Use clear and concise language. Avoid using words or phrases like ‘loss’ or ‘gone away’. Although it can feel a bit clinical, using factual words like ‘death’ and ‘died’ can be a lot clearer and easier to understand for children.

Children may have lots of questions about the Queen’s death. These questions may crop up very quickly after they hear the news, or they may think about it for a while and ask questions later. This is true also when anyone important in your child’s life dies. Everyone reacts differently to these things, after all. Children particularly can react to grief quite differently to adults, and might show outward signs of grief one minute and the next they are playing happily with a sibling again.

Children will look to significant adults around them to help in understanding what has happened and why they are feeling how they are. It’s helpful for children to know that it’s okay for them to talk with you about their feelings. It can also help for them to hear that everyone grieves differently, in their own way and on their own timeframe too. This is perfectly normal, and okay. You might also like to share how the news has affected you. This can help to normalise these feelings.

If you would like to talk with one of the team here at Guy’s Gift to find out how we can offer support for grieving children and young people, please get in touch by calling 0845 467 3035 or email info@guysgift.co.uk

David shares his favourite books to use in bereavement support sessions

For me reading has always been an escape; igniting the imagination not only to what has happened, but to places and events that could never exist. It was much later that I found that books could help us cope with the struggles in our own lives. Books allow exploration at the time and place of the readers choosing- giving those reading them the ability to access the support when they are ready.  Below are my top five books I use when exploring bereavement with young people.

5. The Huge Bag of Worries (Virginia Ironside; ISBN 978-0-340-90317-9). The book shows not only how our worries and stresses grow but also how we can learn to share them. The book also shows our worries as an ever expanding bag. This allows young people (and the adults around them) to reflect on “what’s in the bag” as a really useful way to start conversations about their stresses and worries. The book also allows us to reflect and acknowledge the other stresses in young peoples lives that may sit alongside the loss but may be no less potent in causing distress.

4. Someone Has Died Suddenly (Mary Williams; ISBN 978-1-906409-09-8). The strength of this book is that it is designed to be read together with parent/ carer and child together. Much like my previous entry it begins a conversation which is hard, but necessary to have. It covers a wide range of circumstances that may not be applicable to all loses but certainly of use to those who are experiencing them. It also provides the tools necessary for those deal with the loss. And yet again starts an important conversation with the support of useful information that may not otherwise be available in a child appropriate way.

3. Sometimes Life Sucks. (Molly Carlile; ISBN 978-1-74237-188-7). Books for teenagers experiencing the loss of someone can sometime be hard to find. This book covers a wide array of losses and does so through a short story format that not only personalises the story but gives permission to explore things to a greater depth because of this. Each chapter is followed by practical advice to empower the reading to make their own decisions; and like other entries on the list, it also gives tips to help cope. The short chapters allow readers to dip in and out at their choosing.

2. Badger’s Parting Gift. (Susan Varley; ISBN 978-1-84939-514-4). This book has poignant memories for me. It was the first time that death was addressed in a way I could understand as a child and the reaction it invoked in me. It not only addresses the communal sadness experienced by people it also highlights the enduring connection, and the happiness that creates, with those that we have lost. The recognition of those two juxtaposed ideas plays an important part with loss and helps us to acknowledgement the wide array of confusing feelings we can experience.

1. The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse. (Charlie Mackesy; ISBN 978-1-52910-510-0). Firstly, this book is not strictly about loss or grief. Also, unlike the other entries on the list the illustrations play a central role in why this book is my favourite as cover to cover is full of beautiful drawings. It is not on its aesthetics that this book wins but on the simplicity of its messages. It sets out to reassure the reader of the fullness of human life and experiences our reactions to it. It also repeatedly puts self-acceptance and self-compassion at its core. In writing this it seems unlike to a number of my previous entries in that it does not set out to give tips or educate its reader but to be confident in letting them be and experience. In this way it perhaps reflects my views as a counsellor in which giving space for people to do this is central in reducing distress.

My Sisters Are NOT Good At Wrestling

We were excited to receive a copy of ‘My Sisters Are Not Good At Wrestling’ by Abimbola Shotade recently. This beautifully illustrated book has been written by a local mum of three, whose husband died when the children were young. The story follows E.J. as he takes a special tour with his dad, which helps him to process and answer some of his questions about death and what happens next.

We asked Abi to share with us her inspiration for the book, and what it means to her and her family. She said:

“Over a year into our grief journey my son, had a dream that his daddy Elijah visited him in the night while we were sleeping and took him on this magical tour of heaven. He recounted everything in the morning to me and it sounded so beautiful. But there were mixed emotions, such as sadness because we wished Elijah was still here but we were also so comforted because we felt the dream was a message saying to us that he was OK and that we will meet again. 

This was the inspiration behind the picture book ‘My sisters are not good at wrestling’. E.J share’s his story, starting with his frustrations that his sisters are not good at wrestling, as they prefer to play dress up and E.J is fed up of it. He misses his wrestling partner, daddy. 

One evening daddy visits E.J and they go on a special tour that gives E.J insight to where our loved ones go when they die. E.J enjoys this experience and finds it easier to say goodbye accepting the reality of daddy’s death. 

It is our heart that those who have suffered the loss of a loved one may find some comfort from reading this story and will grieve and process their grief with hope. 

We also share some resources around children who have been bereaved can be supported, as a guide for parents or caregivers. This book can be a great tool to begin discussions around such a difficult topic.”

It is a well-known fact that we love sharing books, here at Guy’s Gift. As Abi says, books can be a fantastic way for children and young people to make some sense of challenging experiences.  We use books covering lots of different topics around death and dying, and books which include different beliefs and understandings of what happens when a loved one dies.

For more information about Abi and her book, take a look at her website: https://ineveryseason.co.uk where she also shares podcast posts covering topics around grief and loss.
You can also keep up to date with ‘In Every Season’ on Instagram and YouTube.