Callum's Story

Callum was referred to Guy’s Gift for bereavement support after experiencing the death of his dad last year.

At the point of referral, Callum had told school that he could not talk to his mum about his dad because it upsets her too. He told school that instead he cried when he was on his own. Callum’s school attendance was rapidly declining after his dad died, and school were concerned for his emotional welfare and lack of routine.

To begin with, Callum found it tricky to talk about his dad.  He didn’t find it easy to think about the memories he had with his dad, good or bad ones.

Guy’s Gift were patient with him and gave him lots of reassurance he so desperately needed.  As time went on, and Callum became more familiar and comfortable with his bereavement support worker, he began to find it easier to talk.  He was able to recall some happy memories of being on Dad’s shoulders and playing aeroplane.

By the second session, he had made a salt jar. He was able to recall many memories of Dad and was so pleased with his jar at the end that asked to show his class teacher what all his chosen colours meant to him. School commented on how this had been a huge difference from before the sessions, where he had not wanted to mention Dad at all.  Callum was ready to start talking more openly about his dad with other people.

During his time spent with Guy’s Gift, he became better able to identify his own emotions and even came up with his own strategies for managing these. Anger was a big one.

Sharing books with other people’s stories of grief really helped Callum to recognise that there are others who have had similar things happen. It helped to take away the isolation that he was feeling in his own grief.

When Callum’s sessions came to an end, he told us he really enjoyed the sessions and that they helped him to think about his dad and to know what to do when he was feeling sad or angry.  School told us they saw how much he had progressed. He was better able to concentrate in his lessons and felt confident to talk with his teachers and put strategies in place to help him manage his emotions.

Sometimes, it takes a little longer to feel ready or comfortable to talk – but Guy’s Gift are here to support children and young people when they need us.

Kerry’s Story

Following the death of her dad, Kerry’s school contacted Guy’s Gift seeking support for her and her siblings. Kerry was struggling to go into school and her behaviour was very different from before.

The death had come out of the blue and was a big shock to the whole family. Dad was a central part to the family’s day to day living and everyone found it very hard to get their heads around what had happened.

Following our initial visit with the family, we knew that Kerry would benefit from one-to-one support with one of our counsellors, but we also recognised that her siblings would benefit from our group support sessions. So, with the family, we decided to bring everyone to our group sessions and then follow up on a one-to-one with Kerry. 

During the group sessions the family met with other children who had also experienced the death of someone really important to them. Kerry’s younger brother Tommy told Guy’s Gift how helpful he found it to talk to another person his age who knew what it was like for their dad to die too. During one of the activities Kerry and Tommy felt ready to share with each other about how they were feeling.  They were finding it difficult to talk about Dad at home, because they didn’t want to upset each other. However, at the group this became easier because they knew they were all together for that reason.

The next week, Mum talked to Guy’s Gift and said how much happier the children seemed to be that week. She thought this was partly down to them talking more openly with each other and not bottling up their feelings so much.

At the end of the groups, as agreed, we worked with Kerry on a one-to-one for 6 more sessions.  We met Kerry every other week in school. Kerry has been particularly close with Dad, feeling that she had a special bond with him being the oldest child, so she really felt the impact of his death.  She missed him, and she missed the time she spent with him, just the two of them. She felt angry that he had gone, and also worried that she was going to forget things about him.  We worked with Kerry to think about how to hold on to memories, and thinking about strategies that worked for her when she was feeling distressed.

Following our support, Kerry said she found it much easier to talk about Dad without getting upset, and her school attendance had improved. Dad always liked going for long walks over the fields near home, this was something that Kerry’s family had started doing more regularly and was something that Kerry looked forward to each week.  Kerry said she liked to share funny memories of Dad during these walks.  

Later the same year, the family came to our Lantern Walk. At the Lantern Walk, Kerry talked about the strategies she had put in place over the previous few months, and shared these with another young person.  Kerry told us that being able to talk about Dad without feeling silly about getting upset had made it easier for her. She said that she got upset less these days, and when she did she used her memory box to help remember the fun times.